The intention of this blog is to give a brief history of myself as a mixed race person and to reflect on how I have contextualised myself and my attempts to contextualise being mixed race. It is not based on research evidence but on my continual self reflection on what race means to me.
Why is it so hard to find a suitable term to describe mixed race people? Is it right to say someone is neither black nor white, but a combination? Yellow, half-caste. light brown, beige, mulatto, orange or tea coloured are some of the derogatory terms used for mixed raced. Some mixed race individuals describe themselves as black or white and that is their right to do so. However, to describe yourself as such when you have parents that are of different races could be interpreted as a denial of part of your heritage. Being mixed race you tend to get a lot of comments such as, ‘You look black but you act white’ or, ‘You act white but dress like a black person’. Now a lot of people say I’m more black, as with a high range percentage of my friends being so I tend to 'act' more like them because mentally and physically I can relate more towards them, but that my personality is more white because of my educated state of mind and how I speak.
To be very honest I see myself more as black than white. Why? Because my race was also part of the slave trade just as much as the black colour was so I suppose I feel more towards it. ie, if a white man raped a black slave which was commonly done, the 'half-caste' child was seen as more black than white. Even in today's society mixed race people are seen more black than white and also I was born from of a black woman, lived in her house by her rules and was brought up the exact Caribbean traditional way under strict rules where education is everything as we’re living in a white man’s world, so in a way you can't really blame me for seeing myself as more black, not to mention in this modern day I’m ‘portrayed’ as black because I have black features as regards to my lips are more plumped and my hair needs three people to comb it out, no exaggeration.
So why this denial of my white heritage? Not true and I hope I don’t come across this way but I'm just saying many mixed race kids born in Britain claim the country of their black parent's origin. In this denial of Britishness they also effectively deny their white heritage. I think this is because mixed race people are easily perceived as being black by others based only on appearance. In the past there has been tension between black people and British nationalists such as the National Front, BNP etc and I believe this is why some black people will try and distance themselves from white people. Does disowning their British heritage mean that they embrace their black culture and history?
The fact is black history is not taught in most schools; I remember learning more about American history than my own black ancestors. Therefore, Hip-Hop and R&B are the closest the majority of young people get to black culture. Even this has only really become acceptable as Hip-Hop culture has been absorbed into white culture. I don't believe that this is truly black culture with so many white kids emulating what they see on MTV and the like. But it is also not white culture as the main icons of this culture are largely black.
But after all of this still I'm confused..
Is mixed race an actual colour? I mean its a combination of two; mainly black and white, in which if the two have a children in a world where the two classes are divided by colour and never treated as equals. Their just a race, not a actual colour. Are they not?
When I go places I try not to let the colour thing affect me but to be honest I find it hard to fit in. No matter how much people are welcoming. I still feel outta place.
Does any other mixed person feel that way?
